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一个文化变色龙的自述丨伙伴专栏

2020年08月14日

"我这个变色龙的每一种颜色都在讲述着我的故事。"

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你知道什么叫文化变色龙吗?

文化变色龙,即“Third Culture Kid” (TCK),指第三文化的孩子,用来描述那些在成长时期被父母送至另一个文化中成长的人群。

TCK 的成长过程中,常常伴随着文化冲突和文化适应等种种的疑惑。

每一个早早离开祖国进行国际教育的孩子都是一个 TCK,虽然尝试融入、适应不同文化节奏很难,但这并不意味着 TCK 与大家格格不入。

相反,在全球化的今天,TCK 在学习生活中其实具有无与伦比的竞争力。

融尚南希伙伴管理合伙人 Nini 就是这样一个 TCK。今天她将结合自己的成长经历,给大家讲讲作为 TCK 是如何发挥自己的优势,在海外生活中收获更多的。

美国独立教育顾问协会 IECA 认证专业会员
全球领导力培训公益组织 JUMP! 董事会会员
泰伯学院 Tabor Academy 现任校董
普利斯顿本科
前华北地区校友面试委员会主席
清华苏世民学院研究生导师

我出生在中国北京,后在美国读完了高中和大学,又到韩国首尔留学,再后来又分别在美国纽约和中国香港工作过。而现在,我又回到了中国内地。我就是大家口中的“第三文化的孩子”(TCK),一个环球游历者(Global Nomad)。

我的 TCK 之旅从我的父母把我从中国的公立学校转学去美国接受国际教育开始。说是前瞻性思维也好,鲁莽的父母也罢,十四岁的时候,我就独自一人开始了临海寄宿中学的生活。这个学校有一个仙境般的标语——海边的学校,泰伯学院。

作为私立寄宿制学校中最早的中国学生之一,我时常感到游离于这个国家内外。是的,我虽然很快掌握了这儿的语言,迅速熟悉了这儿的文化;我模仿着美国学生的行为,直到模仿成了习惯,习惯成了自然;我甚至在梦里都开始说起英语。然而,我还是感觉自己无法完全融入国外的环境。

直到我接触和了解到“1.5代人”或“1.5类人”这个术语时,我才开始明白为什么我会有挥之不去的疏离感。1999年,UCLA 的人类学家 Kyeyoung Park 首次使用这个词来描述在美国不断增长的韩国人口。

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2004年,Rubén G. Rumbaut 博士对在国外长大的美国人进行了一项研究,评估了他们的语言能力、教育程度和职业。研究结果表明,为了准确描述那些既不是第一代移民也不是二代移民的群体的复杂性,人们需要用一个新的名词来定义这群人。

之后,社会学家 David C. Pollock 提出了“第三文化的孩子”(TCK)这一概念,用来描述那些在成长时期被父母送至另一个文化中成长的人群。

终于,我有了属于自己的群体。

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在我们生活的这个日益全球化的世界中,TCKs 越来越常见。然而,作为一个 TCK,成长路上总有不断的困难。

因为我常穿梭在不同的国家、不同的交际圈中,所以家乡的朋友见到我,会说我已经变成了一个 ABC(美国出生的华裔);美国本土的朋友则会问我为什么对拉面和韩剧如此着迷。有时,这些言论很讨人喜欢,比如:“哇,你的英语听起来像母语一样地道!”;但有时,这些言论也可能对我造成冒犯,让我不舒服。

我努力尝试在不同的群体中找到属于我的舒适区,虽然这过程中难免会有尴尬。比如,我专门挤出时间去找美国朋友们在餐厅里聊天,同时又和国际学生们在学术中心交流。

在这个过程中,我对自己和周围的环境有了更多的认识。就好像我有变色龙的技能一样,只不过我的专长不是随时变化颜色,而是随机切换文化。

之后,我进入了大学,想要遇见更多 TCKs 的愿望也随之达成。在普林斯顿,我遇到了 Aditi,她出生在孟买,在香港长大,在英国上学;我结识了山姆,他会说六种语言,参加了横跨全世界的10个不同的学校;我认识了布瑞恩,他在埃及长大,住在百慕大群岛、马来西亚和巴西,但却把自己称作是一个“顽固的加拿大人”。

像我一样,他们很努力地想回答这样的问题,“你从哪里来?”(嗯……你是说我的国籍吗?我出生在哪里?我现在住哪里?或者我父母住在哪里?)他们也曾想过,如果只呆在某一个地方,生活会不会很不一样。

但最终,我们都得出这样的结论:与其努力地适应一个环境,不如利用我们独有的优势去拥抱更多不同的文化。

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因为我总是和这些希望去国外深造的下一代们一起打交道,我总能预见这些 TCKs 的未来,崭露头角的他们正一步步成为未来的领袖。

英国广播公司(BBC)最近的报告指出,在由自动化主宰的未来世界中,人们最受欢迎且不可替代的技能是:创造力、沟通能力和建立复杂的人际关系的能力。

有趣的是,TCKs 出生在一个原本就对发展这些核心竞争力大有裨益的环境中。当然,虽然偶尔会感到游离和孤独,但 TCKs 的未来充满了无限的可能,他们可以选择他们想要的东西,想去的地方,而把家深深地埋藏在心底。

对我来说,TCKs 才是真正的世界公民。

成为 TCK 给了我自由的感觉。我这个变色龙的每一种颜色都在讲述着我的故事。我非常感激过往的这些经历,是它们塑造了我的个性,一些中国的、一些美国的、一些韩国的等等,每一面都是我精心挑选的。所有这些都不会相互排斥,而是无缝互补形成了我的所有。

作为一个 TCK 并不意味着我不属于任何地方,相反,TCK 的身份意味着我可以选择更多。

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1. 面对跨文化沟通,你有成为有效沟通者的天然优势,请练习你天生的敏锐观察能力。

2. 当你感到孤独、没有归属感的时候,多关注相似性,少看差异。伟人们,像孙中山、奥巴马都是 TCK,这有没有让你感觉好一些呢?

3. 要做一个诚实的人,当你真诚地对待他人和自己时,你会感到更自在。切记不要逼迫自己去融入某个圈子。

4. 请给“你来自哪里”这个问题,准备一个简短的答案和一个长答案,根据提问者来选择答案。

5. 你真正的朋友非常有可能也是 TCK,因为相似会让人们产生好感。

6. 你将面临更复杂的关系:时区、语言、文化等等,所以更重要的是付出努力去维护你的关系。

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1. 不要将你自己的价值体系强加到你的孩子身上,请学会欣赏这些差异,当你反对并且想要改变差异的时候,请先试着去理解它们。

2. 如果可能的话,给自己营造一个跟孩子相仿的环境,这样你可以更好地理解你的孩子。例如,当你的孩子开始在国外学习或进入国际学校时,你可以学习一下英语。

3. 为开放的沟通营造一个安全的环境,请认真倾听,不要做任何评论,也不要太快提供解决方案。

4. 作为一名 TCK,保持“中国根”也很重要。家长可以观察孩子在“过中”或者“过西”的时候,做出适当调整。

5. 如果认为低龄留学会导致孩子“不中不西”,那可能只是不努力的结果,想要保留自己的“根”,又想要百分之百地吸收另外一个国家的文化,就得付出双倍的努力,这没有捷径。

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英文原文:

I was born in Beijing, attended schools in the states, studied abroad in Seoul, worked in New York, Hong Kong, and now, back in China. I’m what you might call a “Third Culture Kid” (TCK), a global nomad if you will.

My journey as a TCK began when my parents decided to pull me out of a Chinese public school for education in the states. Call it forward-thinking (or reckless parenting), I was parachuted off at the age of fourteen to a beautiful boarding high school near the ocean with an equally wonderland sounding slogan——school by the sea, Tabor Academy.

As one of the first Chinese students in the private boarding school system, I’ve always felt within and without. Yes, I picked up the language and cultural nuances quickly; I mimicked the way American students acted until mimicking became habit, and habit became second nature; I even started dreaming in English. Yet, there was always a part of me that felt foreign.

It wasn’t until I read about a term coined “1.5 generation” or the “1.5ers” did I start to understand my lingering feeling of alienation. In 1999, UCLA anthropologist Kyeyoung Park first used this term to describe the growing Korean population in the states.

Dr. Rubén G. Rumbaut conducted further research in 2004 on Americans growing up abroad and assessed their language ability, education and career. Rumbaut’s results showed that a new term is needed to describe those who are neither first nor second generation immigrants in order to pinpoint the complexity of this group.

Then, according to sociologist David C. Pollock, the term “Third Culture Kid” (TCK) is introduced to describe a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents’ culture.

Finally, I belong to a group after all.

In the increasingly globalized world we live in, TCKs are not uncommon. Yet, optimizing your life as a TCK does not come easily.

As I navigated in different communities, friends back home would comment that I’ve turned into an ABC (American born Chinese) while friends stateside would ask why I’m so obsessed with ramen and Korean drama. At times, remarks could be flattering and well-intentioned: “wow, you sound like a native English speaker!”; but at times, they could also be hurtful and offensive.

I tried to find my comfort zone among different groups, somewhat awkwardly. I allocated my time carefully to sit with American friends in the dining room, but mingled with international students in the academic center.

In the process, I became more aware of my surroundings and myself. It was as if I adopted the skills of a chameleon, except that my specialty is not color, but culture.

Then, college rolled around and my wish to meet more TCKs was eventually granted. At Princeton, I met Aditi, who was born in Mumbai but grew up in Hong Kong and studied in the UK; I befriended Sam, who spoke six languages and attended 10 different schools across the world; I connected with Brian, who grew up in Egypt, lived in Bermuda, Malaysia then Brazil, but referred to himself as a “diehard Canadian”.

Like me, they struggled to answer questions such as “so where are you really from?” (hmm…do you mean my nationality? Where I was born? Where I live now? Or where my parents live?). They also once wondered whether life would be different to truly belong somewhere.

But eventually, we all came to the conclusion that instead of trying to fit into one, it is our unique privilege and blessing to embrace many.

As I work with the next generation of students who eagerly prepare for education opportunities abroad, I envision their roads ahead as budding TCKs who blossom into leaders of tomorrow.

BBC’s recent report indicates that in a future world dominated by automation, the most sought-after and irreplaceable skills are: creativity, communication, and building complex human relationships.

Interestingly, TCKs are born into an environment naturally conducive to the development of these core competencies. Of course, there would be feelings of displacement and loneliness, but the possibilities for the future are endless as TCKs choose to be whoever they want, wherever they go, bearing in mind that home is where the heart is.

To me, they are truly the citizens of the world.

Being a TCK has given me a sense of freedom. My many colors as a chameleon are a storyboard of who I am.

I feel grateful for the experiences I’ve had as I gradually built myself an identity that is a collection of pieces, each of which I’ve handpicked – some Chinese, some American, some Korean…all of which not mutually exclusive, but seamlessly complementary to form all of me.

Being a TCK doesn’t mean that I don’t belong to any particular place; it means I choose to belong to many.

*以上给 TCK 和 TCK 父母们的建议,部分摘自融尚南希伙伴近日举办过的“对话美高职场人”活动。想知道这些已经步入职场的 TCKs,如何看待美高给自己带来的影响,如何在职场上做到中西合璧吗?

扫描下方二维码,即可观看活动完整版:

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